Howard

Howard was there one day and gone the next. We were friends and played together at recess. Things were a blur after it happened. I don’t know exactly what did happen but either Howard was hit when he got off the bus or when he was waiting to get on, I just don’t remember that part for sure.

I do remember exactly where I was standing on the playground when I heard what happened. I don’t know who told me but someone did. They said Howard was dead. At that age I had never known someone who had died. I just couldn’t imagine it. Kids just kind of wandered around in disbelief.

Howard’s desk was gone by the time we all got in the classroom that day. I didn’t think it was right that they would take that desk out of there right away like that. I just vaguely remember the teacher telling us what happened even though we all already knew about it. I know she cried and had to stop many times. Most of the kids went to the funeral. I think I did, too, but don’t remember much of it.

Howard had a great sense of humor and was a hard working kid. I can still see his hands. He worked on the farm and his hands were calloused and dry. He told us about working with his father and brother. They raised hogs and I don’t know what else, but I do know Howard loved it. He worked just as hard at school and took it all very seriously. He was tough as nails when we played football. Even though he was just my size he was very difficult to stop.

When you are almost twelve years old and something like that happens it seems so unfair. How could you be in just that spot at just that time when just that car would come by? I can’t explain it but all of Howard’s friends were in shock for quite awhile. I just really expected to see him walk up with that smile and we could play baseball or something. I can’t imagine what his family must have went through.

Howard lived about three miles east of town. Even now, 45 years later, I cannot go by that spot without thinking of him. It was around the end of March and I know Howard was looking forward to the spring planting. I look out across the fields when I go by and wonder if he is out there somewhere.

So what does happen to people who die too early? What could have been or what could have happened? For those we can only wonder.

What happens when you die too early?
What happens when you die too young?
What dreams are never realized?
Victories never won?

How would the world be different?
What things wouldn’t get done?
What babies wouldn’t be born?
Would they be daughters or sons?

What poems won’t be written?
What stories not told?
What artwork not created?
What songs never sung?

How would your friends be different?
How would they make their way?
How would they do without you?
Really, no one can say.

What happens when you die too early?
What happens when you die too young?
What dreams are never realized?
Victories never won?

We have missed you, Howard!