90s25 Difficult Parents

Education is all about people, relationships, and trust. We place our children in the hands of others and trust they will keep them safe and help them grow. For the most part parents trust educators to do the right things with their children. Contrary to what some parents may think, educators do have the best interests of kids in mind as they make decisions.

I have met some suspicious and assertive parents during my career but nothing, nothing like I encountered at Longfellow. Overall, I would say that most of the parents I worked with were just fine but I was surprised at how many others thought we had some sort of evil agenda and I was taken aback by the boldness of many of them. In Iowa City everyone has an opinion and they don’t mind sharing it with you. Hyperbole and histrionics are prevalent.

Second-guessing is a local pastime and, often, people would criticize without all of the information. That was a characteristic of liberal, so called open minded, people that I did not expect. Some parents like to tell about things schools or teachers do wrong. Schools could write books about things parents do wrong. Fortunately, or unfortunately, we are too nice to do that.

During my time as an administrator, parents threatened my life twice and to do harm to me personally or professionally too many times to count. I had parents call me names and make all sorts of accusations, write letters to the school board and the superintendent and try to undermine my effectiveness anyway they could.

I also had parents who came to school intoxicated often. Drug use among some parents was a common occurrence. I sent police to homes for a welfare check several times and it often resulted in drug charges of some kind or another.

We reported several cases of child abuse or neglect. There were others we were sure of but lacked the evidence to proceed with it. There were cases of spousal abuse but no avenue to really help them.

There were cases where parents refused help for their children because fear of the stigma was greater than their desire to see their child be successful in school. Sometimes I was amazed at the choices parents would make. At some point in the future I will write more about all of these things. When I do I will have to alter them enough to make it impossible to identify anyone. The challenge will be actually describing the events yet keep the characters anonymous.

One of the most annoying and damaging behaviors comes when a parent has a beef with the school and is not able to move on. I have seen a parent put a whole school on edge and effectively damage the reputation of the school and the effectiveness of the staff. That, in my mind, is inexcusable. Sometimes other parents rise up against these bullies but often are afraid to step forward. There must surely be a special place in hell for those who make the lives of others miserable and interfere with the learning of children.